I liked her, and I liked being around her. She was fun to talk to, and a huge help at the range, even if it was on an unofficial basis.In a sense, I think she replaced the closeness I’d had with Lucy, after she died. I didn’t intend for her to do that. It just happened.Sitting in a jail cell gives you time to think. Upon reflection, I’ve remembered some things that, at the time, didn’t mean a lot, but with hindsight were important. They don’t go in any real order. I just remember them happening. So I’m just going to put them on paper. It might seem a little disjointed, and it certainly doesn’t provide a narrative that illuminates the path I took. But the steps I’ll describe got me where I am.And yes, I’m aware that nobody made me take those steps.I think one thing that started the train going off the tracks was on her sixteenth birthday. Her mom said she could have a party, but she didn’t want anything big, with lots of guests. I know she had friends at school, because she talked. That's different I thought to myself.As I entered through the double doors it took a minute or two to adjust to the darkness. I could see the screen and hear the sound but as my eyes took those moments to adjust I could hear the rustling of bodies and low conversations. When my eyes had adjusted to the darkness I saw the rows of seats and people sitting and facing the screen. I could see single guys sitting by themselves and a few guys sitting together. As I took a aisle seat mid-theater. I noticed a couple of guys in my row sitting with their pants open an jacking to the movie. This didn't bother me as I've always considered my self an open exhibitionist. Live and let live. I sat there about half an hour watching the screen and the goings on in the auditorium. I opened my pants and began to jack too. I was beginning to relax and enjoy the goings on. I've always enjoyed jacking since my teenage years. My marriage ended years before and I've enjoyed the warmth of female company since.
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